Dear Diary,

Do you ever just stop and wonder about your life?

Sometimes I just stop and almost laugh because I'm not sure this is what I envisioned my life to be. In some ways, that's a good great thing, yet in other ways, I wonder how things ended up the way they are.

I was so excited to finish my dissertation and get this job and get my "real life" started. But I'm still in limbo. I'm waiting to get settled. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I might've found a house... again... and all of a sudden I got really nervous about it. All these thoughts started running through my head:

"Holy crap, this is a lot of money."
"Do you really want all this responsibility?"
"What the heck are you going to fill this house with?"
"Is this the right neighborhood for me?"

I'm trying to figure out if I'm nervous because I just haven't had much luck with this house thing and I just don't want to get my hopes up. But I'm also trying to make a realistic, informed decision. I just feel like there's this nebulous blob of anxiety hovering over me.

"All at once
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind.
Which way will you run?
When it's always all around you
And the feeling lost and found you again
A feeling that we have no control."
-All At Once, Jack Johnson

XOXO,
Heidi