A List & Turning 30

As I pointed out in my last post, I've not made as much progress on my List as I had intended by this point in the game. It turns out though, that I really can cross a few more things off that List!!

In case you didn't check out the comments, my friend N mentioned item number 9:

And yes! I will be able to cross that one off my list! I'm headed out to Colorado to see my Peeps! In less than 2 weeks!! I don't have many plans except to see some people, eat at a couple of my favorite places, celebrate my Birthday, and relax! Oh, and there is a chance I might go to a shooting range. Fun!

Moving on...

What do a Black Krim, Yellow Giant Belgium, Orange Persimmon, and Boxcar Willie have in common? Item 1, of course: Grow tomatoes in the backyard. Eat them.

Woohoo! OK, so they're not ready to EAT yet, but they're growing! I got these little tomato plants at a neighborhood plant sale a couple weeks ago (the proceeds from the sale were donated to neighborhood services/programs). They're heirloom varieties and I am so excited to see them grow! And they get lots of sunshine, love and attention, so I'm hoping the eating part is a foregone conclusion. What do you think? Can I cross that one off the List?

Stay tuned...I've got a few more cross-offs on the horizon!

15 days and counting...

So Here We Are

Or rather, here I am.
 
It's June 1st. Already. My Birthday is approaching quickly. The Birthday. The Big. Three. Oh. 

Someone, who didn't really know how old I was, but guessed that I was about 27, recently asked me how I was doing with the thought of being 30. I told her I was fine with it. Honestly, for whatever reason, I was more freaked out when I turned 27 than I feel right now. True story.

Anyway, shortly after starting this blog I decided to make my List of 30 Things To Do Before Turning 30. I didn't give myself much time, less than a year and a half, so my list never actually reached 30 items. No big deal, 25 items was A-OK with me, especially since a number of them were BIG items.

Let's review what I have completed:

10. Go see a movie alone. Not a matinee. And buy popcorn.

I am so glad I did this! It might seem small, but it was a tough one for me.

7. Read all of The Chronicles of Narnia. 

This was a fun one, though my favorite in the series is and probably always will be The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

8. Buy one new piece of furniture for myself.

Still loving my purchases!

22. Buy a house. 

Some days I still am surprised I bought a house. Most of the time, I'm really, really glad. I will say this item took more of my time, emotional/physical/mental energy, hope, and effort than I ever thought it would. 

So. Four items. Wow. That's it? Really? 

Hmm. 

T-minus 16 days and counting...

Bookworm Review: The Bonfire of the Vanities

I finished reading The Bonfire of the Vanities (Tom Wolfe) a couple of weeks ago and haven't had a chance to sit down and write about it. It's on my Influential Books List and my Busy Bookworm Challenge List, so woohoo for me!

The story is set in New York in the 1980s and is centered around the main character, Sherman McCoy. McCoy is a Wall Street investment banker who basically thinks he's hot stuff. He makes a million dollars a year, has an apartment featured in an architectural magazine, and sends his daughter to a posh private school. Yet McCoy is barely making ends meet, though his high-society wife doesn't know how much they're struggling financially. McCoy's life turns upside down when he and his mistress are involved in a hit-and-run accident, which he tries to hide from everyone...though that strategy doesn't work for very long. A young, black boy was the victim of the accident and when leaders of the black community demand action, the racial tension heightens.

Initially I had a difficult time really getting into the plot of this story. The point of view shifts often, from McCoy, to the district attorney, to a tabloid newspaper writer, to the Reverend (leader of the black community), and to another lawyer. The characters, especially McCoy, are arrogant and pompous, though each has his or her own "special" way of being completely awful. Wolfe was trying to create an atmosphere of "excess" and he does that through his descriptions... and the sheer number of words he uses! Seriously, Wolfe was definitely wordy and the book could've been shortened considerably. Some of the side stories could have been omitted altogether, especially because Wolfe never finished many of the minor plot lines, yet they took up a good deal of space.

In spite of myself, after a certain point in the story, I found myself actually hoping that Sherman McCoy was going to be OK. It seemed to me that McCoy had grown a little during the story and he became slightly less arrogant and somewhat more human. McCoy's foil in the story, the district attorney, became more full of himself, more dramatic, and less ethical as the story progressed and I found myself, rightfully so, disliking him even more. By the end of the story I was sick of his character, scenes involving him, and generally happy when he was put in his place.

Wolfe also presents many issues surrounding race and fairness, which add another level to the story- everyone has his or her own perspectives and stereotypes and has to figure out some way to deal with others who are different. I found myself sometimes more interested in the cultural identities than the plot and wished something more would've happened with that aspect...if that makes sense.

Overall, I'm not sure I'd recommend this book, unless you really like long, wordy books with a lot of characters and an ending that isn't prettily tied up (with a bow). I'm also not sure why this book made that darn list of influential books... Anyway, I am a little curious to see how the book was adapted for the movie.

On second thought, I'm not that curious. The book was quite enough.

I'm About to Get Serious

I feel like I'm about to begin training for a marathon. In a sense, I suppose it is a marathon... I'm talking about my licensing exam preparation. I "attended" a webinar-type workshop this evening on starting your preparation for the exam and while I knew a lot of the tips and strategies covered, I did walk away with some good ideas for outlining my individualized "Two-Phase Study Plan". Yes, they recommend planning a concrete schedule, with spelled out objectives, planned days off, etc. The workshop gave me a shot of motivation (i.e., a swift kick to the arse), so I pulled out my trusted Sharpies, a lame calendar from my insurance agent, and I marked off my study schedule for "Phase 1" of the plan. ("Phase 2" will come later, based on areas for improvement identified during "Phase 1".)

So, for the next 4 months I am in training, people! Operation EPPP is about to commence! I think I need one of these guys to help: A part of my preparation, which is included on the CDs and in the materials, is learning to manage anxiety and combat negative thoughts and poor attitudes. I'm not kidding when I say there is a visualization exercise and progressive muscle relaxation specific to taking this test!! Yikes! (By the way, not a good idea to listen to a relaxation exercise like that while driving...oops.) Anyway, the part on attitude and negative thoughts makes me think of this guy:

Ah, Stuart Smalley. You always turn my frown upside down. Stuart, you make me realize that "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." And doggone it, I will pass the EPPP! No "stinkin' thinkin'" for me!

By the way, if you're not familiar with this classic Saturday Night Live character, you're missing out. I have a well-loved and tattered copy of his book, which cracks me up every time!

Truly Inspiring

So y'all know I'm trying to plow through that List of Influential Books and that my first try, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, was a giant disappointment and my second book, Freakonomics, while interesting, wasn't really earth-shattering. I felt like the next book I picked needed to be really good, or it was going to be more difficult to motivate myself to keep plugging away at the list. Last week I went to the library and checked out 3 books: The Bonfire of the Vanities, Beloved, and What is the What. Eventually, I chose to start with What is the What after reading this:

"What is the What is the epic novel based on the life of Valentino Achak Deng who, along with thousands of other children- the so-called Lost Boys- was forced to leave his village in Sudan at the age of seven and trek hundreds of miles by foot, pursued by militias, government bombers, and wild animals,crossing the deserts of three countries to find freedom."

I was intrigued, even though I knew very little nothing about Sudan's struggles or the Lost Boys, though honestly I wasn't sure what to expect.

The story is Valentino's, but the author of the story is Dave Eggers. In the book's preface, Valentino, who goes by many names throughout the book, but most often Achak, states that the book is considered a novel because the story began when he was so young and not every word, person, or place could be recalled exactly (thank goodness, who wants another James Frey incident?); however, the major events "are true and the book is historically accurate."

The book is a hefty 535 pages and I was hooked from page 1. I read it in less than a week! It was touching, horrifying, funny, and unbelievable all at once. How did this little boy have the strength to keep going through such completely awful things?

"I dropped my bag, everything I owned, and jumped in. I paddled with my hands cupped like paws, only my head above water... As I moved through the water, I could feel the current carrying me downstream. I watched the crocodiles, keeping my eyes fixed upon them. There was no movement from them. I kept paddling. There was a great blast behind me. I turned around and could see the soldiers, kneeling in the grass of the riverbank, shooting at us as we crossed...I paddled and kicked. I looked again for the spot on the riverbank where I had last seen the crocodiles. They were gone... A scream came from very close. I turned to see a boy in the jaws of a crocodile. The river bloomed red and the boy's face disappeared. 'Keep going. Now he's too busy to eat you.'"

Reading this book made me cringe, made me feel sick. I felt angry. I felt ignorant. I felt tired. Seriously, sometimes I would be reading for a while, so engrossed in what was happening, so tense, that I had to finally put the book down and walk away. Over the weekend I took a few naps while reading the book- it is emotionally draining, to say the very least. And yet I also felt hopeful. I felt hopeful that there is a man out there that has been knocked around (literally and proverbially) so many times and has continued to get up and has continued to try to do good for the world, for his village in Sudan, and for himself. There are days, very recently even, that I have felt as though I have bad luck, that weird things happen to me, blah blah, but I really have nothing to complain about. Nothing. I am ashamed. And humbled. And once again, truly amazed at the tenacity of human beings.

I can see why this book was put on Mental Floss's list of most influential books. This one belongs on the list. It touched me, it opened my eyes to something new, it made me want to learn more. (Oddly enough, one of the documentaries I put on my Netflix queue months ago is about the Lost Boys. What a coincidence!) This is the first book I've read that has made me want to write and say, "Thank you for sharing your story. I can't believe what you've been through." Hmm... maybe I will do just that.

I leave you with one more quote from the book:

"I speak to these people, and I speak to you because I cannot help it. It gives me strength, almost unbelievable strength, to know that you are there. I covet your eyes, your ears, the collapsible space between us. How blessed are we to have each other? I am alive and you are alive so we must fill the air with our words."

***By the way, if you want to learn more, check out cool video clips and pictures, or get involved, visit The Valentino Achak Deng Foundation. *** Also, check out President Obama's reaction to the book here.

List Update

I just finished the final book of The Chronicles of Narnia! Which means I get to cross something else off my list! Hooray! After reading all the books, I must say that my favorite is still The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe since it's so original and can stand alone.

I didn't know all of the Christian symbolism that goes along with the books, so I did do a little online searching to learn more. It was interesting, though not everything was meant to be a symbol when Lewis wrote the books. In some of the stories, the parallels to scripture were obvious (almost painfully so), while in other parts of the stories I think that it was more of a stretch. But that's just my opinion. I do think that the end (of the final book) was a little weird, which is why I really didn't enjoy it very much.

I did enjoy learning more about the debate surrounding the order of the books. Lewis wrote them in a different order than organized and sold by the publisher today. I agree with some people debating about it- The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe should really be listed as the first book, just because it does set things up and has a line at the end of the story that the adventures in Narnia were just beginning. Anyway, I'm glad I read the books and may continue to read more about the Christian symbolism. I will also probably read more of Lewis' books- I've wanted to for a while and just haven't gotten to them!

Also, I did watch my July documentary, but didn't have a chance to write about it until now. I watched one of the discs in the Planet Earth series. If you haven't seen the series, or even part of it, do check it out. The lengths these camera-people and crew went to for the video are amazing. The images are awesome. I sometimes can't believe all the diversity out there and how these plants and animals survive in some truly harsh climates!

Furniture? Check!!

I bought some beautiful new furniture!! I wasn't intending to buy a new couch and chair right away, but I found out about a warehouse sale last weekend, then another sale, and so my brother and I had to go check things out. Lo and behold, I found something I liked at one place and then found it for a better price at another! Since the second place didn't have it in stock (ugh, who wants to wait 6 weeks?!) and their customer service was not stellar, my brother and I planned our strategy for working a good deal at the first place. And we got it! (Don't you LOVE getting a GREAT deal?!)

Cross one more item off my list!

8. Buy one new piece of furniture for myself.

So now I am the proud owner of a gianormous leather couch and a funky fabric chair & ottoman. I took a nap on the couch yesterday afternoon after it was delivered and it was such a good nap, I forgot where I was!

Speaking of my list... I know I haven't filled in the remaining items. I just can't think of other things that I want to do that are "list worthy." When I think about it, I've done so many things that if I would've made this list as an 18-year-old, they'd be on there. Like "live alone"- done that, obviously; "get a dog"- got 2; "go to graduate school"- check; "travel abroad"- YES; "ask a guy out"-scary, but I did it. So there aren't too many things I'm just dying to do before I'm 30 that aren't already on the list. Hmm... maybe get involved in my community (now that I have one) and learn to fix and/or replace a leaky faucet could be added...

Home Sweet Home

Well, it's all over. I bought a house today! I think I might be in a bit of shock... I mean, I own a house. I have a flipping mortgage for crying out loud!

I'm not sure when this picture was taken (I stole it from the real estate listing). The bushes still need trimming though. But in spite of that, isn't she pretty?

And... I have a front porch swing!! I have always wanted a front porch swing and now I have one! I imagine many evenings sipping lemonade (OK, maybe sometimes something stronger) and being lazy on the porch.

The puppies will soon be home and can play in their awesome backyard and I will be able to sleep in my own bed! For the first time in 4 months!! Well, tomorrow I can sleep in my own bed... I have no furniture right now. AND I can finally start getting settled in this new life of mine. And I get to cross one more thing off my list! Hooray!

Approved!

I got final approval this afternoon! I'm set to close on the house on Friday morning! Whew! I was worried this wasn't going to happen with all that hoop-jumping and whatnot! I know I'm relieved... Tomorrow is the final walk-through and it will be interesting to see the house completely empty...

Not So Required Reading

I finished (finally) The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Murakami), which was the first book I selected from Mental Floss's 25 Influential Books list.

So I'll start off by saying this is a Japanese book, translated into English (obviously). From what I understand, the translation is supposed to be very good. It's about a guy, Toru, who has a number of things go wrong- cat runs away, quits his job, marital issues, etc. He meets a bunch of... shall we say quirky?...characters who do and say some really strange things.

At first, I liked the style of writing and the storyline- simple, a little eccentric and unexpected. Toru is kind of an everyday guy, doing everyday things...I mean, he's cooking spaghetti and shopping for groceries and looking for the runaway cat. Pretty straightforward, right? No. Not really. The story quickly got weirder and weirder, but I liked a few of the characters and wanted to see where the story was going, so I hung in there. The female characters were more dynamic than the male characters, but they could also be quite weak and often sexually-motivated... I'm not sure that's exactly the way I want to describe them, but it'll have to do for now. The men were basically devoid of emotion, except for one guy, Cinnamon, and he was mute!

By the end of the book... all 604 pages of it... I was thinking, "What the %$*&!!! Who picked this book?! Why is it 'influential'?!" The best way I can describe it is like a surrealist painting, but in book format. At first glance, or in this case read, you think you know what's going on... then upon closer inspection, you realize you really don't.

I kept thinking that the book was loaded with dream sequences, because the plot made about as much sense as one of those crazy dreams, the kind where you're walking along talking to someone one minute and it's someone else the next minute and instead of carrying a loaf of bread you're carrying a cat. But as far as I can tell, these aren't dream sequences.

Seriously. Who picked this book and why is it "influential"?

And does anyone really know what's going on? I've read a number of reviews and comments and "analyses" of this book online... everyone seems to have more questions than answers. I also know that Murakami has some die-hard fans out there that say this work is brilliant, that all of his stuff is brilliant and that if you don't "get it", you're basically an idiot. I beg to differ! I don't think I'm an idiot!

Ahem. After more thought, I've further revised MY version of this list (i.e., I nixed more books). I'd like to read books that make me think, or impact me in some way, but "had an innovative and unique marketing strategy," in my humble opinion, isn't really a good enough reason for me to consider them worthy of a "most influential books of the past 25 years" list. But then again, maybe I'm just an idiot.

Freaky Friday

This is going to be very quick... it seems as though today is going to be one of those "interesting" days.

I finally finished one of the books I've been reading forever, Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, which was on my list. I will write more about that in an upcoming post, as well as unveil my further revised "Influential Books" list.

I've had a bit of housing drama this week. I'm hoping everything works out, but it looks like my closing date will most likely be pushed back a few days. It's not the end of the world, I know, but I really didn't want to push anything back. I mean, come on already! I want to live in my own house!! The most frustrating part is that this is out of my control and there isn't anything I can do to speed up the process. I just have to wait for the pieces to fall into place...and in the meantime, obsessively monitor those pieces so I at least know what's going on! Ugh!

Keep Learning, Part 2

The other documentary I watched recently was Arctic Tale. It's along the same lines as March of the Penguins, which I loved, but details the lives of a walrus and polar bear. Now, I love March of the Penguins, so I found myself (probably unfairly) comparing the two films. First of all, Queen Latifah, who narrates, has nothing on Morgan Freeman, but she was still easy to listen to and tried to insert humor in various places. Second, the music in some parts was a little too... folksy? I don't know if that's exactly the right word to describe it. Needless to say, it was a little irritating and distracting for me... though in some parts, the music was great! In one spot, you're meeting the whole herd of walruses and "We Are Family" is playing, which was funny and totally appropriate.

I will say one thing, this film definitely has a high cuteness factor going for it. I mean, come on, what's cuter than two baby polar bears romping around in the snow? Even the baby walrus was cute. What amazed me, and what I didn't know, was how familial walruses are. A baby walrus is looked after by a mother and another family member (Queen Latifah kept saying "auntie") for 3 years! The mother actually holds her baby in her flippery arms, which was very cute and very human-like and completely unexpected. There was this adorable scene where they baby and mother engage in some walrus-y kissing-type behavior... but really they're using their whiskers to memorize each other's faces. Interesting!

I'll admit, though, I couldn't help but think of Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates. In the movie, his character is interested in learning more about walruses because we don't know very much about them, which is true. So this footage was actually pretty amazing and took a long time to get.

Now, there were sad parts in the film, but I'm not going to spoil everything, don't worry. One of the saddest parts was when the polar bear and walrus herd couldn't find food because of the unusually warm temperatures, which meant that the ice didn't freeze. Obviously, the film, put out by National Geographic, is trying to educate people, especially children, about the environmental crisis we're facing, but the film really doesn't ever get preachy or anything.

I'd say, if you liked March of the Penguins, you'll like this film. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out!

Keep Learning

All right, I admit I didn't watch a documentary in May... not unless I can count all the hours of HGTV I watched! Technically those shows are documenting stories of people looking for houses and whatnot. I think it should count... besides, I did a LOT of house-hunting in May.

Anyway, in the last couple of days I've watched 2 pretty awesome documentaries. I really didn't plan it that way, but when I got my new Netflix, it turned out to be a documentary. So, maybe I didn't watch one in May, but I suppose this makes up for it.

First, Paper Clips. This film is about a group of kids and teachers at a Whitwell Middle School in rural Tennessee. The teachers wanted students to learn about about diversity and tolerance, so they decided to do a unit on the Holocaust. The students had an idea to collect paper clips so that they could envision what 6 million actually looked like. What started out as one unit turned into a 4+ year project that was known around the world.

This story was inspiring and truly touched my heart. These kids and teachers took learning to another level. People from around the world sent letters filled with stories and paper clips in remembrance of people that had perished during the Holocaust, survivors came to the school to tell their stories and to see what the children had done. Their stories made me cry. Many people in this little rural town challenged themselves to examine their own beliefs and biases about people who were "different" and they spoke about how this project had changed them for the better.

What really struck me, as it always does when I hear survivors' stories, is that soon these people will no longer be around. People who were alive when all of this happened will not be here on this earth to tell their stories. That scares me. What scares me even more, and angers me, is that there are still people out there that deny the Holocaust ever happened.

Yet, I'm heartened by the fact that these children have collected, catalogued, and preserved numerous stories, that they have listened to and been touched by survivors' stories. Many of the children in the documentary said that they were changed by their experiences and want to pass on the stories they heard so that others will learn about and never forget what happened. To me that is absurd! How can someone deny that this has happened? Look at the photos, listen to the interviews, read a book! It happened! Hatred like that is still happening!

There are organizations out there dedicated to preserving these stories, preserving history for future generations. For more information, check out Holocaust Survivors. Also check out the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. They have a great page entitled, Life After the Holocaust.

Inspection Day, Part 2

Well, overall things look pretty good with the house! There are some minor things that will need fixing (a leaky faucet) or maintenance (clean out the window wells), but there were only a few things that we're asking the seller to attend to by closing. The priciest is probably the blown seal in the patio door window, so I hope they agree to fix that.

The inspector was this tall, buff guy with the whitest teeth I've seen! The basement has a really low ceiling, so he had to crouch down quite a bit. He was really friendly and explained things to me. He was pretty impressed with the condition of the house, especially since it's so old. It was pretty interesting and I learned a lot. For instance, here's a fun fact for you.... 2 of my 3 toilets are from 1965 and they're in nearly perfect condition (the 3rd toilet is 1995, I think). When you think about it, that's a lot of usage!

I was sitting in the kitchen while the inspector was crawling around in the attic and I looked around and thought, "This is such a cute home." It's still hard to believe it will actually be mine soon...

Now I just need to get through the appraisal!

Inspection Day!

Today is my home inspection. I've been looking forward to it because it feels like movement of some sort, another step in the right direction. And I'm curious- I get to learn more about this beautiful, old home. But as usual, I'm nervous about it.

I know, I know, inspections always turn up something. And yes, I know that if it's something really big I can negotiate with the seller or walk away. But still. I'm nervous.

Blame It On the Rain

Remember that Milli Vanilli song? Yikes, what a scandal that was.

Anyway, the weather here has been cold, rainy, and overcast for days. It's June! What's up with that?! My hands are freezing right now! It's a dreary kind of day and it seems to be going very slowly at the moment.

I don't really have anything too exciting to report. Work has been a bit slow, but I've got enough to keep me occupied most days. And soon I will have summer orientation presentations and I'll be out of town for some training. I've been studying for my licensing exam (or trying to) a little each day, which has been slow and a little frustrating. I haven't been doing well on the practice exam questions, which I know is normal when you first start studying but still. It doesn't feel good after spending all that time and money in school!

Other than that, I just feel like I've been waiting and wondering about my new house. It seems like the month is going by very slowly. Maybe once the inspection is done this week, it will feel like things are moving along? I hope so.

The First of Many Firsts

I just dropped off my earnest money at my Realtor's office. Writing that check made things feel a little more real to me today. It was the first of many, many checks I'll be writing to pay for this house. But it felt pretty good.

Everyone has been so excited for me. Thank you for all the wonderful comments, emails, and phone calls! My coworkers have been so supportive through this whole process and have been offering congratulations left and right. Honestly, I think a part of that is a sense of relief that I'm here to stay and won't be going elsewhere anytime soon. :-) My Director literally said something to the effect yesterday. Another coworker pointed out that I will be able to really celebrate Independence Day this year, in my very own home. How appropriate! And K-Dog bought me lunch today, to celebrate my not being homeless anymore. My family, as usual, has been endlessly supportive and is also very excited. I'm pretty sure my mom cried when I told her my offer was accepted. She also is happy I won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Now I know that technically the house isn't mine until I have all the papers signed and keys in hand, but I definitely think of it as MY house already. I've been thinking about furniture and new bedding and paint colors. And my puppies! Soon my puppies will be home with me, in their new backyard. And, I'll be able to knock a couple of things off my list!!

Accepted!

I have an accepted offer! Hooray! They counter-offered this morning and I accepted!

Now I need to get through inspection and make sure financing goes through.

I feel nauseous. Happy, but nauseous.

3rd Time's the Charm?

I put a bid on house #3 yesterday. I'm supposed to hear something today...I really hope that whatever I hear is GOOD news. The house I'm bidding on has been on the market for quite some time. Initially, it was listed at a higher price and wasn't getting much activity. About 6 months ago, the price was reduced and the house has apparently had 3 accepted offers, which subsequently fell apart. I'm hoping all of this works in my favor!

I'll keep you posted...

Dear Diary,

Do you ever just stop and wonder about your life?

Sometimes I just stop and almost laugh because I'm not sure this is what I envisioned my life to be. In some ways, that's a good great thing, yet in other ways, I wonder how things ended up the way they are.

I was so excited to finish my dissertation and get this job and get my "real life" started. But I'm still in limbo. I'm waiting to get settled. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I might've found a house... again... and all of a sudden I got really nervous about it. All these thoughts started running through my head:

"Holy crap, this is a lot of money."
"Do you really want all this responsibility?"
"What the heck are you going to fill this house with?"
"Is this the right neighborhood for me?"

I'm trying to figure out if I'm nervous because I just haven't had much luck with this house thing and I just don't want to get my hopes up. But I'm also trying to make a realistic, informed decision. I just feel like there's this nebulous blob of anxiety hovering over me.

"All at once
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind.
Which way will you run?
When it's always all around you
And the feeling lost and found you again
A feeling that we have no control."
-All At Once, Jack Johnson

XOXO,
Heidi