Showing posts with label dear diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dear diary. Show all posts

Friday, October 16, 2009

Dear Diary...

I have felt so overwhelmed lately. I had a presentation the other evening that seemed to take me a long time to prepare, even though the topic is something I talk about every day! Why is that? I suppose it's different when I have an audience and feel as though I'm cramming so much into a short amount of time. Plus I wanted it to be fun and interactive, but that is often a "hit or miss" depending on the audience and the topic.

Anyway, it went well overall, though, as predicted, I had a bit more to say than time to say it. Oh well. I got a few laughs out of the students and the feedback I got was good and that the presentation was useful. I'm fine with that!

Now I'm trying to finish up this darn discussion guide I'm supposed to be writing. A while back, my Director and some students approached me to write a discussion guide to be used after this performance. Before I arrived here, some students, faculty and staff created this cool show, kind of along the lines of The Vagina Monologues, except more relevant to issues college students face AND included men in the conversation. It's a pretty powerful performance that deals with health, body image, gender roles, sexual assault, and culture. Sadly, I've only seen the performance on the DVD they've made...I'm sure it's much more powerful live. Anyway, they wanted to have a discussion guide to accompany it, so that's where I come in. Since I have done research on disordered eating and whatnot, they thought I might be interested. I was absolutely interested... but then things got a bit more complicated.

See, at some point, someone decided this should be submitted to a conference...to showcase what the students here did, how other campuses could do it, and then how to keep the conversation going. SO it's been submitted and accepted. I'm included as a presenter, since I'm doing the discussion guide and am kind of like the "expert" in the group. I'll be honest...there is a big part of me still really uncomfortable with being seen as "expert." But that's another story. My Director also basically told me I had to apply for this scholarship to attend (which basically gives me a free ride). And then I won the darn thing. Which means I need to send in a brief article to their newsletter after the conference talking about what I learned and how I'll use the info and all that. Note to self: Always read the fine print.

The most frustrating thing is that the conference is next Wednesday and the schedule isn't out yet! We have no idea when we're presenting and no idea of what the titles are for the other sessions. Apparently they're not always this disorganized...still, it's not a good first impression to this group and this conference. Grr.

In other news, I got the H1N1 vaccine this morning. I feel a little dizzy. So does K-Dog. I'll let you know if I start oinking.

XOXO,
heidi

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow marks 6 months since I left Colorado. I just realized it. On one hand it's hard to believe...on the other, it seems like it's been forever!

I find myself missing my Colorado peeps a lot lately. I had this crazy dream last night about visiting my department, seeing familiar faces, getting lots of hugs. I've been missing my favorite local coffee places (definitely Starry Night and the Human Bean), pizza place (MeMe's), kooky pasta place (Rasta Pasta)... though I'm trying to find new favorites here.

I know I made the right choice for me. I needed to get out of a job that was literally making me sick, a job I hated. I needed to get back to what I love doing. Even though I've had some tough days lately, I know I'm doing what I love.

xoxo,
heidi

Friday, May 29, 2009

Dear Diary,

Do you ever just stop and wonder about your life?

Sometimes I just stop and almost laugh because I'm not sure this is what I envisioned my life to be. In some ways, that's a good great thing, yet in other ways, I wonder how things ended up the way they are.

I was so excited to finish my dissertation and get this job and get my "real life" started. But I'm still in limbo. I'm waiting to get settled. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I might've found a house... again... and all of a sudden I got really nervous about it. All these thoughts started running through my head:
"Holy crap, this is a lot of money."
"Do you really want all this responsibility?"
"What the heck are you going to fill this house with?"
"Is this the right neighborhood for me?"

I'm trying to figure out if I'm nervous because I just haven't had much luck with this house thing and I just don't want to get my hopes up. But I'm also trying to make a realistic, informed decision. I just feel like there's this nebulous blob of anxiety hovering over me.

"All at once
The world can overwhelm me
There's almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind.
Which way will you run?
When it's always all around you
And the feeling lost and found you again
A feeling that we have no control."
-All At Once, Jack Johnson

XOXO,
Heidi

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Cloud 9

Dear Diary,

I'm on Cloud 9 these days. Defending my dissertation was pretty awesome, though I think I'm still in a bit of shock (I don't even mind having to do revisions). Then getting away from the Evil Empire (aka work) took a huge weight off my shoulders, but thankfully, I think I'm sleeping better already! It's nice to know that I'm going to a better environment where I can go back to doing what I am very good at and LOVE and it's been nice to feel wanted and appreciated- and I'm not even there yet!

Yesterday I packed up my office and turned in my keys. It felt good... though it felt a little weird to be home on a Friday afternoon without my dissertation or another big project hanging over my head. I grabbed some lunch and finally used my Blockbuster gift cards and rented a couple of movies and forced myself to have a low-key afternoon. I even fell asleep on the couch! After all the stress and drama of late, I really don't mind having a few low-key days! In fact, it will do me good.

I just found out today that one of my favorite bloggers, Farmgirl Susan (foodiefarmgirl.blogspot.com), is writing a cookbook! It'll be about eating more seasonally and locally, which I've wanted to do more of ever since reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and will have some gardening tips too! How exciting! I think Farmgirl Susan has inspired me to try to grow some Swiss Chard and lettuce in my backyard too... now I need to find some good seed catalogs! Oh... I suppose I need a house with a backyard first...

So, for the first time in a while, I'm feeling quite happy, relaxed, and excited about upcoming changes!

XOXOXO
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Revised Influential Books List

1. And the Band Played On- Randy Shilts
2. Listening to Prozac- Peter D. Kramer
3. Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism- Temple Grandin
4. Nickel and Dimed-Barbara Ehrenreich Eh, it was OK. Reminded me a little of Dirty Jobs.
5. Into Thin Air- Jon Krakauer
6. The Satanic Verses- Salman Rushdie
7. Middlesex- Jeffery Eugenides Read it. Loved it. Recommend it.
8. A Perfect Spy- John le Carre
9. What is the What- Dave Eggers LOVE this book! Very inspiring!
10. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle- Haruki Murakami Done.
11. The Known World- Edward P. Jones
12. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone- J.K. Rowling Read it twice!!
13. The Bonfire of the Vanities- Tom Wolfe Hmm, the jury is still out on this one (pun intended).
14. Infinite Jest- David Foster Wallace
15. The Unbearable Lightness of Being- Milan Kundera
16. Beloved- Toni Morrison - Abandoned.
17. The Handmaid's Tale- Margaret Atwood
18. Freakonomics- Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner A really interesting & thought-provoking read!