Hello? Is Anybody Out There Any More??

Yes, I know it has been forever. I'm not sure any of my (handful of) faithful readers are even going to see this post...they've probably abandoned ship. I mean, I did.

I just downloaded the Blogger app for my phone. I wanted to test it out, see how things work.

I keep debating starting up the ol' blog again, but, I'm honestly not sure I have much to say that's of interest to many these days.

So, if you're out there & see this, give a shout. Hopefully it posts correctly. Blogging from my phone might make things easier. :)

Peace out.
Heidi

Imagine My Surprise

I was working on a few small projects in the yard this weekend and was in and out of my little garage a couple of times. I was moving a few things around when I noticed the craziest thing! These two plants were growing!

Let me back up. Last year when I was looking around for some things to plant in the front yard (which didn't actually happen until recently), I came across some perennial hibiscus plants that were on sale. I snatched a few of them (6? 8?) and had every intention of planting them in the front yard. Well, time went on and I never really got a chance to get them in front, so I ripped out some other plants I hated in the back yard and thought the hibiscus would be lovely there. I planted most of them in a smallish spot and had 2 left over. So, I set them in the garage and barely thought of them since...I figured they were dead since they were in such tiny containers and left there all winter. All. Winter. When I stumbled upon them in the garage, I was floored to see new growth! How the heck did they live in there with no water? Luckily they had light from the one window in the garage...it's like a gardening miracle!

So I potted them in 2 of the biggest pots I have and I'm hoping they make it (the ones I planted in the ground are coming up again, but no flowers yet).

Let me tell you, these hibiscus are HUGE...

See what I mean? That's my hand over a flower last summer!!

They are also beautiful...it will be a surprise to see which colors come up where...

Doesn't this one remind you of a peppermint candy?

So pretty! I can't wait to see what happens.

Tell me...have you had any garden miracles?

Creative Cookin' (Or... That Time I Managed to Botch Up a Tried-and-True Recipe)

source

Every once in a while I like to treat myself to a nice breakfast over the weekend. Usually it's Sunday morning, but it can be whenever the mood strikes me. These days it's usually homemade pancakes, though a couple times a year I'll get real crazy and make waffles!

This morning I decided I wanted to get creative and tweak my pancake recipe. I partially thawed a few frozen strawberries and chopped them up. Then I decided to try replacing some of the milk in the recipe with plain vanilla yogurt. I've done this before with things...it's actually quite lovely in your French Toast egg mixture...but I guess I've never done it with pancakes.

I should've known right away to cut back on the milk or increase the flour or something, because adding berries will always add some moisture. Durr. Apparently so will yogurt- more than you think. But I got excited at the sight of the pretty pink batter and eagerly got the first two pancakes going. It smelled really good! When those didn't turn out so well, I figured I should let them cook a bit longer next time...which left me with a pretty dark pancake (in general these pancakes seemed to brown up super fast!). They were just turning out really moist and gooey in the middle. So,  I added a bit more flour to my mixture and tried again. A little better this time, but still not great. After a couple more tries and half-eaten pancakes, I called time-of-death on my pancake project. I wonder if the batter would've made some nice crepes?? Unfortunately, I didn't want crepes, nor did I bother trying.

I gave it my best shot, but overall this little experiment was an epic FAIL. So much for that nice breakfast. I guess next time I will simply look up a recipe on the Google.

Anyone have any good stories about creative cookin' gone horribly wrong?? Or really well?

PS- I was looking around for a cute picture to use for this post and found this adorable apron! How sweet! Too bad I don't sew.

Funkity Funk Funk

 This picture has little to do with what I'm about to say, other 

than it came up when I searched for an image for the word "funk". 

And this post is inspired by my sister. Also...I imagine myself to be 

the soulful diva in the middle, with my sisters givin' off some serious 

attitude to my right and left. :)

One of my sisters posted the following question on my Facebook page yesterday:

"Are you in a blogging funk?"

To which I replied:

"My life is boring."

I'm not sure how to interpret her answer:

"heidi-get a move on it. make something up otherwise:-)"

Hmm, get a move on making my life more interesting or get a move on blogging?? Uh yeah, I'm trying to make my life more interesting. I can talk about some of that, but sometimes it doesn't seem as though others will find it interesting...as if it's not "blog-worthy". Anyone else feel that way? Can I get a witness?!

I have some projects I could talk about ...but they're not finished, which feels like a massive failure to me. Even though the break in progress was partly due to circumstances beyond my control.

But yeah...I guess you could say I'm in a blogging funk. I'll get it together and start posting again. No promises about frequency...or how interesting it will be for you.

Is there anything YOU want to know or read about here? Ideas and questions are welcome...hehehe within reason, of course. ;-)


*image from amazon.com

Whoops...

Happy Monday! (I guess)... it's the last week of classes for the semester and I'm so happy the end is in sight. What a semester it's been! {Sigh.} I'm ready for some time off.

Anyway, I promised I'd be back this week and here I am! Though with my internet out at home, blogging is going to be interesting. I actually wrote some stuff over the weekend and planned to steal a few moments during lunch to blog, but I completely forgot my jumpdrive at work last Friday...so I couldn't transfer things to my computer there today.

Don't worry though, I ordered a new wireless device today! For FREE! Woohoo! It should be here in 2 to 5 days. :)

Meanwhile, I remembered the jumpdrive today so I will have a CrushGate update for you tomorrow. And no, this isn't just a suspense-building tactic!

Paperclips & Neurotransmitters

Do you ever fidget with paperclips? Bend them? Twist them around? I do. I often do it during meetings or when I'm sitting around with colleagues and talking about work stuff.

I sometimes do it during presentations, obviously under the table or behind a podium where no one sees. I even did it during my thesis defense.

It's stress relief, I guess.

Apparently, I also end up making little paperclip hearts sometimes.

Ugh. I tried to tell you. All that dopamine and serotonin. It's real. And powerful.  


Bleh. Somebody make it stop.

*Afterthought: Yesterday, I also found myself nearly squealing with glee at the oh-so-adorable little boy dressed in his very-first-day-of-school-best, standing on his porch proudly while his mom and dad took pictures to commemorate the event. Two blocks later, I was ready to drive to the animal shelter and adopt a puppy because I saw the cutest, tail-wagging, leash-chewing puppy out for a walk with its owner. Again, gleeful "oohs" and "ahhs" ensued. I reminded myself I have two dogs. And no time for a puppy. Sigh.

Public Service Announcement #2

If you work in an academic setting, remember the month of August

is crazy-busy-stressful...

You should write everything down,

make sure it gets written on the appropriate calendars, 

and review said calendars regularly. 

Or you may forget you have 2 1 more presentations in the next few hours.

*This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by the Council on Time Management and the Better Coworkers League.*

Public Service Announcement

Doing laundry in the middle of a crazy-busy-stressful week may result in in you wearing on Friday 

the same piece of clothing 

(a brightly-colored cardigan or light sweater, for example)

you wore on Monday...

but couldn't remember wearing...

because of your  

crazy-busy-sleep-deprived-stress-induced 

memory deficits.

*This Public Service Announcement is brought to you by the Council on Saving Yourself Some Embarrassment at Work and the Coalition for the Prevention of Workplace Wardrobe Mishaps.*

And the Hits Just Keep On Comin'!

 So. An update.

I returned to work on Monday (I had last Friday off). K-Dog and I were having some random conversation. I casually mentioned something about my butt incident last week. K-Dog excitedly told me that The Crush said he had a "nice view" the other day...or something to that effect. My immediate reaction was disbelief and shock, of course. I blurted out, "He did NOT!" and "How?" and "When" and "He did NOT!" Mixed in there were bursts of this nervous laughter thing that I tend to do in these sorts of situations. K-Dog shrugged and said, "OK. He didn't." And then I said, "He did?!" and repeated that whole exchange. Here's the story I finally got out of K-Dog:

The Crush emailed K-Dog to say thanks for meeting with him and the student, especially on short notice, blah, blah. K-Dog replied to say, no problem, it's why we're here, thanks for the referral, blah, blah. Then...K-Dog said something like, "Heidi was really embarrassed that she was bent over, straightening the rug, and that you, the student, and family member got a full view of her butt in the air."

{Side note: Is it really just me or does this make anyone else want to vomit?? Anyone? I mean, put yourself in my shoes....Anyone?}

At this point in the story, K-Dog paused to tell me, "See, Heidi, I wanted to see what he would say when I said they ALL saw your butt. I know you said they didn't see anything."

The Crush emailed K-Dog back and said something like, "Haha, I was the only one who got a good look."

{On one hand I was glad that the student and family didn't see my butt in the air. On the other hand...this confirms that he saw my butt up in the air.}

Again, K-Dog paused to say to me, "Then, being my devious self, {yes, he actually said that} I wrote him back and said, 'Well, she IS single. Maybe she did that on purpose.'"

I may or may not have been hyperventilating at this point. I also may or may not have vomited in my mouth a little.

K-Dog looked at me and said, "What's the big deal? I just wanted to get the word out to that side of campus that you're single."

Lord help me.

Social Ineptitude: Take 257

{source}

You might think that because I work with people, help them with their anxiety, and actually teach them better social skills, I myself would have no problem with such things.

You'd be wrong.

I mean, we've already established that I am sometimes a socially inept person. Especially around attractive, similarly-aged men.

Last week was no exception. First, let me back up a few steps.

I'll start with a confession: I have a crush on someone. There. I said it.

He is a similarly-aged person that works in a different department on campus, which means I've had limited contact with him. In fact, last week was really only the second time I've interacted with him.

I should also tell you that after the first time we met, K-Dog apparently called this guy's boss (K-Dog has good rapport with him) and asked him if he knew if this guy (aka The Crush) was single and available. The boss called K-Dog back and responded that yes, The Crush was single and available. I nearly passed out when K-Dog told me what he'd done, and briefly considered breaking into his house and freezing all of his underwear. But that would be wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, last week I knew The Crush would be dropping by the office to meet with K-Dog, but I was supposed to be in an appointment at the time. When my appointment didn't show up, I began straightening up my office. I was trying to straighten my rug...I couldn't get the darn thing straight, so I was bent over double... yup, with my butt in the air...straightening the rug. Let me be more clear... back to the door, butt in the air, straightening my rug.

I didn't hear the waiting room door open.

But for whatever reason- maybe I was finally satisfied with the rug, maybe it was instinct, whatever- I stood up and turned around.

And there he was.

Awesome. (I'm sure my hair looked great too, after being flipped up and around.) I said hello and explained that K-Dog just took a phone call, and told him he could have a seat in the waiting area, eat some candy, watch some TV and that it would probably only be a minute.

On one hand, in my defense, he was with a student and the student's family member, so it's not like I could just hang out and chat and be flirty. On the other hand, I really could've gone out there and introduced myself to the student and student's family member. Make small talk or something. No. Not me.

I have only a vague recollection of what happened next.(I probably dissociated to deal with my mortification.) I know K-Dog came out and he made sure to introduce me to the student and family member...then K-Dog said, "and you two (me and The Crush) already know each other," to which we both agreed but shook hands again anyway....(he is really good hand-shaker, by the way).

I know at one point The Crush responded to something I said, but he made eye-contact and smiled when he said it, so for the life of me ... I have no idea what he said. I don't even know what I said. I think I lost the ability to form words or thoughts when he smiled. I have this horrible vision of me standing there with my mouth open, drooling.

They all went into their meeting and I had about 20 minutes to mentally replay the whole thing in my head... After they left, K-Dog came in my office and said, "Well, did you work your magic?" I started babbling about my butt being high in the air when he walked in. And that I'd lost the ability to form words around him.

K-Dog just shook his head and said, "You knew he was coming here! You had all morning to prepare! .... I can't help you."

Great. I'm beyond help.

Look Ma! My Very Own Circus Freaks!

Remember how I wanted to grow tomatoes? And eat them?

Yeah, well... that was before I started growing circus freaks. (As you view these, you may want to hum a creepy version of that clown song)

The tomato on the left and in the first picture above used to be small and perfect looking... So what happened???

Apparently, my little freaks' condition has an actual name. Catfacing. From what I understand, it can be caused by cool temperatures when the plant is blossoming. That seems odd to me, it's been really warm here! I haven't used any herbicides or pesticides or anything. I'm trying to be chemical-free. So who knows what contributed. Somehow the blossom got screwed up and the fruit couldn't develop normally.


I wonder if the look as freaky-deaky on the inside...

Sigh. I hope the rest of my tomato babies are going to be OK.

Have you ever had any weird stuff like this happen?? Do tell!

Payback is a B*#@h

My sister, Boo, recently told me to get back to blogging more often. So I searched and searched for inspiration. And since I recently posted about Lenny, I realized there was one more small part to that story I would like to share now.

When we left off with the story, I had just taken (and passed) my final in the class Lenny and I shared. My deep, abiding love crush on Lenny continued just as strong as before. The next semester started and I didn't have any more classes with Lenny. :-(

Meanwhile, Boo was in high school and happened to have a new student teacher. Lo and behold, her student teacher turned out to be one of Lenny's teammates. Apparently, he was also kinda cute. My sister sort of hinted at talking to her student teacher about Lenny and maybe mentioning that she had an older sister, blah blah. I forbade her to speak to the student teacher about any it- in my mind, the student teacher would naturally tell Lenny all of this and the two of them would share a good laugh over it. I vowed I would make her regret it if she did. I even explained how mortified I would be if she did something like that.

She didn't listen to any of what I said.

She called me one day and excitedly told me that she mentioned something to her student teacher about me and said something about Lenny. I never really did get the details. Boo conveniently "forgot" exactly what she said to the student teacher.

I was furious. And yet calm and focused on my plan for revenge. It just popped into my head, fully-formed. So the next night, while Boo was gone, I went to my parents' house, marched into Boo's room, scooped all of her bras and undies out of her drawer (she had a LOT too) and threw them into the bathtub where I doused them with water. Then I put all of them into our big chest freezer in the garage.

I smiled a grinchy smile, thinking about how surprised she'd be the next morning when she went to get dressed. I could imagine her looking high and low for her undies and finally finding them frozen solid in the freezer.

Ah, payback. To be fair, I did warn her.

In the end, I think someone told Boo where her undies were. They weren't frozen, just a bit frosty. She was mad. Even today, she says it was "mean." Payback sucks, what can I say?

And I sort of got yelled at for putting wet stuff in the freezer like that.

But I would do it again, darn it. I would do it again.

I Stole an Avocado...

And I just ate it. And it was good.

OK, so I didn't mean to steal it. It wasn't even my fault. I picked up a few things at the grocery store last Sunday and as the guy was bagging my stuff, one of the bags broke and a bunch of stuff fell. Luckily, I didn't have eggs or anything breakable in that bag...and luckily he had cat-like reflexes and managed to juggle most of it and dump it back on the counter. However, in the process of re-bagging everything, he apparently grabbed the next woman's avocado and threw it in my bag. And today I threw it down my throat via a lovely turkey sandwich.

Does that make me a bad person? Because I didn't jump right back in the car to return it to the store? Or turn myself in to the police? What would you have done?

Speaking of Social Ineptitude...

I've decided it's Shame Week here at The Heidi Diaries. Sharing those stories from my walks, made me think of another time and place when I was basically... a big nerd. And it had nothing to do with dogs.

To preface my story...you remember the movie Dirty Dancing? (Durr, who doesn't?) Remember the scene where Baby gets into the clubhouse where all the dancers go to hang out and "unwind" every night? Well Johnny asks his cousin what Baby is doing there and she says, "I carried a watermelon" and after Johnny walks away she realizes how stupid that sounded and says, "I carried a watermelon?!?" Just in case you don't know what I'm talking about, check out the scene on youtube here (by the way, the scene is a little long, but feel free to enjoy the whole thing).

Anyway, back to my story. Once upon a time, in college, I had a crush on a boy. But not just any boy, a super-cute hockey player boy. We shall call him Lenny. I loved all things hockey and was a die-hard fan, so imagine my excitement to learn that a super-cute hockey player was in a class with me! And sat right by me! And could actually hold some intelligent conversation from time to time. He seemed more shy than you'd think...he WAS a hockey star after all...but we would often chat before class started. Now, Lenny knew I was a smartie and occasionally asked to borrow my notes when he had to miss a class or two. I think I even borrowed his notes once and they weren't bad. All semester I secretly pined for Lenny, but figured it was never gonna happen.

But then, an opportunity presented itself (gasp). Lenny was going to miss one of our last classes before the final. Being a nice person, and secretly pining for Lenny, I took a risk and sent an email offering to study with Lenny for the final. Don't get me wrong, I was actually concerned about the final too and really thought having a partner to study with would be great. Mostly, though, I just hoped it was my big chance.

I lived with 3 friends (and 1 odd roommate) in an apartment that year. The 3 of us were pretty close and had planned to make Christmas cookies together as a way to unwind during finals week and to spend some quality time with one of our roomies, who would be studying abroad the next semester. One night, while we were all hanging out at home, the phone rang. It was for me. I can't remember who answered it, but I think she asked the caller if she could tell me who was calling.

It was Lenny.

(Gosh, I'm getting all anxious just writing and reliving this moment!)

My roomies knew of my crush, so there was squealing and giggling, maybe even some high-fives, I don't know. I was terrified, but answered the phone as calmly as I could.

(I apologize that my memory of this initial part is sketchy. My memory was clearly affected by my terror.) We did our normal thing- I think he usually greeted people with "What's going on" or something super-original like that- and I always had an equally creative and original response, probably, "Not much." I'm pretty sure he brought up my email and our upcoming final. And then Lenny said:

"So what are you doing tomorrow night?"

To which I cheerfully responded, "I'm making cookies with my roommates!"

Lenny paused for a moment before replying, "Making cookies with your roommates?"

Me, "Yeah, you know, Christmas cookies." I think I babbled here for a second. At this point, I'm pretty sure my roommates were frantically waving at me and trying to signal that it was no big deal to miss part of our cookie-baking extravaganza. Such good friends. Wanting me to get my big chance with Lenny.

Lenny, "Oh, well I was going to see if you wanted to meet at the library to study together for our final. But if you're too busy..."

Now quickly trying to make like it's no big thang and of course I'd LOVE to study, after all our final is coming up soon... Plans were made, the conversation ended.

I looked at my roommate and said, "I'm making cookies with my roommates?!? I'm making cookies with my roommates?!"

I was horrified. Embarrassed. Ashamed. I felt like Baby from Dirty Dancing. My roommates didn't even really understand why I decided to share that bit of info with Lenny. All I could say was, "Well, it's what we had planned. He asked what I was doing, and that's what I'm supposed to be doing." Oy.

In the end, the cookies got made, I passed the final, but I never did show Lenny my face again.

OK, not that last part. I showed up the next night to study. Lenny brought his cute hockey player roommate along, probably to act as a buffer and witness in case I tried to kidnap him or something. Awesome. He also asked me about the cookies. I hid my mortification and muttered something dumb. And then we studied. I think he also passed the final.

The end.

My Social Ineptitude Is Showing

Note: I toyed with titling this post, "Dog Owners Are Weird" but then decided it was better to own my weirdness and social deficits, rather than make a general statement about other people who may or may not be as weird as I am.

Before I got Lilly, my first puppy dog, I wanted a dog so badly. It had been some time since my childhood dog had died and I missed having a pup. I was obsessed. I mean, seriously obsessed. I would go on walks with friends and I'd see a dog and his or her person approaching. As they got closer, I ooohed and aahhed over the adorable dog and breathlessly asked if I could pet the dog. Then, I would pet the dog and babble at it and say how pretty he or she was. Before I completely embarrassed myself, my friend would usually gently nudge me and continue walking, thanking the nice person for letting us pet the dog. One day, my friend and I were walking away when this little conversation took place:

B: "Wow, that guy was really cute! Why didn't you flirt a little?"

H: "Huh? What guy? Where?"

B: "The guy."

H: (blank stare. crickets chirping.)

B: "Heidi. The guy. Walking the dog."

H: "Huh, guess I didn't notice. But wasn't that dog sooo cute?"

B: "How could you not notice the person walking the dog? And a cute guy?!"

H: (now slightly embarrassed) "Well I just saw the dog...and ... wanted to pet it...I was really only looking at the dog...(mumbles incoherently)."

No, unfortunately I am not exaggerating. That story really happened. Never did figure out what the guy looked like. And my friend may or may not have taunted me with that story every time we went walking. Or anytime she felt like laughing. Or when we saw cute guys. Or a dog.

You'd think now, with two dogs of my very own, I'd be better about paying attention to the people with the dogs...interact socially...meet new people. You'd think.

Fast forward to yesterday. It was a balmy 37 degrees when I left work. Still sunny too (woohoo!). I decide it's time to finally get the dogs out for a walk. There was excitement all around. We even managed to walk one block farther than usual and things were going well- the dogs were being good, I was keeping them on the sidewalk, and we'd had no run-ins with squirrels or other people or dogs. 

And then we hit the home stretch. I could see a dog and a person farther down the sidewalk. My dogs started getting a little excited and antsy. I decided since I had two bigger dogs, I would step aside onto a driveway to let the guy and his little dog (a Basset hound puppy perhaps?) pass by. But no, he also stepped aside and told me to go past. By this time, the dogs were anxiously pulling at the leashes, wanting to meet a new dog. So, being a good dog owner, I asked if they could say hi. The guy said sure, as his dog was clearly excited too. The sniffing and tail wagging commenced. Dog Guy was sort of talking to his dog saying something about "oooh, new dogs" and I was telling my dogs to "be nice." After a minute, we both sort of pulled the dogs away and resumed walking in our opposite directions. Two seconds later Montey started coughing and hacking from all the straining and pulling on the leash and finally horked up something gross and snotlike. Ew. 

It wasn't until I was about 20 feet away that I realized, I barely spoke to Dog Guy. I was paying such close attention to the dogs that I barely spoke to the attractive guy walking his dog all by himself. Again. What is wrong with me?! A cute guy, with a cute dog, walking. Alone. In my neighborhood. 

Cripes. I'm such a socially inept, dog-loving weirdo.

Wintery Delusions

delusion [di-loo-zhuhn]
- noun, a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact

Remember when I was knee-deep in snow yesterday? Shoveling, snowblowing, heaving, grunting? There was a moment when I asked my neighbor if she knew what the rest of the forecast for the week looked like. She replied, "Cold. The snow should be ending, though." Yet, even though she said it would be cold, I was thinking of warmer days, melting snow, and even had a brief vision of actually seeing our driveway again...my poor car looking less like a popsicle than a car...

Wait. What? Melting snow? Warmer days? Huh?

It hit me last night...after 7 years in Colorado... I was just expecting the snow to go away sometime soon...melt in a few days, a week, soon.

Oh, Heidi. Poor, poor, Heidi.

It was bitterly, squeaky-snow cold today. So cold that the dogs kept alternating which paw they'd hold up to give it a "rest" from the cold snow. My windows are all frosty and I worry that my back screen door hinges are going to snap when I open the door.

The women at work reminded me that we'll have this snow until March.

It's gonna be a long winter...and I may be in for a bumpy ride.

Maybe my delusions are a form of self-preservation??

That Time I Nearly Burned the House Down Wanted to Make a Pretty Lantern

So I'll admit it, I've been bookmarking DIY projects like crazy lately. I've been itching to do some small projects that are quick, cheap, and easy, but I have been thwarted in my efforts for one reason or another.

Imagine my excitement when I saw this project over at A Beach Cottage! Quick, cheap, and easy! Perfect!


I was excited about using some winter-y, Christmas-y quotes from favorite movies and songs... imagining a few little lanterns casting a lovely warm glow on a cold winter night.

I had all the stuff on hand...

Before I lit my candle inside my paper lantern, I reminded myself to be careful... fire and paper and twine, oh my!

I carefully lit the tea light and stood back. Hmm. The little candle holder cast a shadow where the edge was, which, of course, was right through my quote. I tried another candle holder, and since my first tea light was hot, I got out another. Same thing. Hmm. Well crap.

Then, an epiphany! Why not just take away the holder?! I had this little glass coaster-like candle holder for a pillar candle, so I could just put the tea light on that, set the paper "lantern" on the coaster thingy and be done! So I got out another tea light (as the others were hot and nestled snugly inside candle holders), set it on the coaster, lit it, and set the paper lantern down. Perfect! No shadows or lines! I silently congratulated myself for tackling such a tough problem while also cooking a nutritious dinner.

Wait a sec... a freestanding, somewhat flimsy paper cylinder with a tea light inside? An open flame? One overzealous wagging tail, a draft from the door opening and closing, a person walking by, nearly anything could make that thing flop over and catch fire.

Granted, I don't usually leave any candles burning unattended, but cripes. What the heck was I thinking?!

Project aborted.

WTF, Part 2: I Am Also a Bad Friend

I just realized I forgot my friend Nacole's birthday!

Nacole: I am clearly an idiot. I wholeheartedly apologize. You deserve better. I should be slapped or shunned or something.

I wish you a very Happy (albeit belated) Birthday! I hope your wishes (of better, more attentive friends) come true. I lift my stemless wine glass to you in a toast for a fabulous year! Love you!