Social Ineptitude: Take 257

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You might think that because I work with people, help them with their anxiety, and actually teach them better social skills, I myself would have no problem with such things.

You'd be wrong.

I mean, we've already established that I am sometimes a socially inept person. Especially around attractive, similarly-aged men.

Last week was no exception. First, let me back up a few steps.

I'll start with a confession: I have a crush on someone. There. I said it.

He is a similarly-aged person that works in a different department on campus, which means I've had limited contact with him. In fact, last week was really only the second time I've interacted with him.

I should also tell you that after the first time we met, K-Dog apparently called this guy's boss (K-Dog has good rapport with him) and asked him if he knew if this guy (aka The Crush) was single and available. The boss called K-Dog back and responded that yes, The Crush was single and available. I nearly passed out when K-Dog told me what he'd done, and briefly considered breaking into his house and freezing all of his underwear. But that would be wrong on so many levels.

Anyway, last week I knew The Crush would be dropping by the office to meet with K-Dog, but I was supposed to be in an appointment at the time. When my appointment didn't show up, I began straightening up my office. I was trying to straighten my rug...I couldn't get the darn thing straight, so I was bent over double... yup, with my butt in the air...straightening the rug. Let me be more clear... back to the door, butt in the air, straightening my rug.

I didn't hear the waiting room door open.

But for whatever reason- maybe I was finally satisfied with the rug, maybe it was instinct, whatever- I stood up and turned around.

And there he was.

Awesome. (I'm sure my hair looked great too, after being flipped up and around.) I said hello and explained that K-Dog just took a phone call, and told him he could have a seat in the waiting area, eat some candy, watch some TV and that it would probably only be a minute.

On one hand, in my defense, he was with a student and the student's family member, so it's not like I could just hang out and chat and be flirty. On the other hand, I really could've gone out there and introduced myself to the student and student's family member. Make small talk or something. No. Not me.

I have only a vague recollection of what happened next.(I probably dissociated to deal with my mortification.) I know K-Dog came out and he made sure to introduce me to the student and family member...then K-Dog said, "and you two (me and The Crush) already know each other," to which we both agreed but shook hands again anyway....(he is really good hand-shaker, by the way).

I know at one point The Crush responded to something I said, but he made eye-contact and smiled when he said it, so for the life of me ... I have no idea what he said. I don't even know what I said. I think I lost the ability to form words or thoughts when he smiled. I have this horrible vision of me standing there with my mouth open, drooling.

They all went into their meeting and I had about 20 minutes to mentally replay the whole thing in my head... After they left, K-Dog came in my office and said, "Well, did you work your magic?" I started babbling about my butt being high in the air when he walked in. And that I'd lost the ability to form words around him.

K-Dog just shook his head and said, "You knew he was coming here! You had all morning to prepare! .... I can't help you."

Great. I'm beyond help.