CrushGate Update Part 2: The Little Engine... That Could

When I was little my mom used to tell me the story of The Little Engine That Could when I was scared to do something or had a tough task ahead. I remember her telling me to say to myself "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." Well folks, that was me this afternoon. After my previous post I tried telling myself I could do it, it was the perfect set-up, low risk, blah blah.

But of course, I started getting nervous. I even ended up hooking myself up to our biofeedback program (basically it's a way to measure a physiological stress response so you can learn to get a handle on it and calm yourself at will). My average heart rate was around 110- really high for just sitting at a desk! I should've saved a screen shot ...you could've seen a real stress response. Anyway, I tried to get calmed down and my coworker was sort of helping...but then she said, "You need to do this before 3:00 you know." She wanted to know what the outcome was before she left for the day! Turkey! A little bit later, when I was ready to flee, she looked at me and said, "Heidi, you really don't look good right now." I have such supportive coworkers. :)

So I finally took a deep breath and, just like I'd done before, picked up the phone and dialed before I could think much more about it. I figured I'd end up leaving a voicemail, but dang it, he answered right away! We chatted a little bit about something lame I started with, then I followed-up about the student. I'll be honest here...he did not sound happy at all and I really toyed with the idea of ending the conversation after I did my follow-up.

But I didn't.

I said, "OK, something totally unrelated--- what are you doing for the game this weekend? Are you going to be around?"
He said, "No, actually [a coworker] and I are going down to Chicago to hang out, watch the game. We've always said if the Packers and Bears play we should go down there and so we decided to do it."
Me: "Are you tailgating?"
Him: "No. We'll just hang out at a bar. He says he can get tickets, but I'll be honest with you....I don't really want to go and freeze out there."
Blah blah blah talking about the game and the weather forecast and the crazy cold weather we're having right now.
Me: "Well, I was going to say...K-Dog and I will be at the bar watching the game and I wanted to invite you. Plus, we never got to have you come out with us after he mentioned it to you before. Also, I owe you an apology for that...apparently it was my job to remind K-Dog to remember to invite you, but um, I didn't know it was my job {he sort of chuckled at that} and actually, we haven't gone that often since. {insert a little more work talk here}.
Him: "Yeah that sounds like fun. Let me know when you guys go next, I'll definitely catch you the next time. Once the semester starts and things settle a little it will be busy but I'll squeeze it in. So let me know."
Me: "I will. Have fun in Chicago, stay warm, blah blah."
Him: "I will, thanks. I'll talk to you after."

And then as I hung up the phone I whispered, "Let'smakeoutyoucompleteme."

But not really.

And in the words of the Little Engine, "I thought I could."

The end.

PS- After it was all over and I was exhausted from all my anxiety and after my coworkers said "That went really well!", my one coworker said, "Heidi, I'm sorry, but I really thought you were going to vomit earlier, you just did not look good at all!" Me too, my dear. Me too.